1. Matrix Graduate A

I reached rock-bottom with an unsuccessful suicide attempt.

After being for treatment in 4 institutions over 6 years, with a wonderful husband, children and family I now found myself hopeless, helpless, bewildered, disappointed, broken and far removed from God. Hours later I woke up in ICU feeling dead, begging the nursing staff to let me die. All I wanted was to get out of the downward spiral where alcohol with all its might and power had driven me. Everybody would be better off without me.

I spent 14 days in a psychiatric treatment ward. I felt overwhelming shame with no self esteem and emotionally dead. With a "do with me what you want" attitude I surrendered and gave up fighting. After 14 days I left the centre full of fear and was sent by my psychiatrist to Pierre Louw. Pierre explained to me that it will take at least 4 months of treatment and clean time to allow my brain to heal and start producing its own "feel good" chemicals again. Alcohol damaged this part of my brain function. As an out-patient I was taught how to avoid my triggers and cravings. Family and friends agreed to be part of treatment and to keep alcohol away from me and not to drink alcohol in front of me. Now it developed into a team effort, but I still had my freedom of movement. The first 4 months was incredibly difficult with fluctuating emotional mood swings from being highly irritable to being unnaturally high on feeling good and then back to deep and black moments of despair and self-pity........ I kept on trusting the process of Pierre's therapy sessions and group treatment sessions holding on to the hope and trust that it will get better.

I learned how to re-program my brain with lifestyle changes and slowly but surely I experienced a spiritual reawakening and a new happiness and serenity that I did not think was humanly possible. I am now 11 months clean and sober. With the help of Pierre I followed the Matrix program 100% and "I never want to drink again, but I will do it just for today". I recovered my freedom, my wings were given back to me and every day I want to fly high and far...........Yes, there is a wonderful and exciting life without alcohol.

I learned that patience is spelt T.I.M.E. And yes it gets better every day.

Original ~ Afrikaans

My lewe het tot stilstand geruk na 'n mislukte selfmoordpoging. Na 4 inrigtings oor 6 jaar, n wonderlikke man, kinders en familie was ek sonder hoop, moedeloos, radeloos, teleurgesteld, ver van God en gebroke. Ek het geskok in die ICU ure later my oŽ oopgemaak en met 'n doodse moegheid die verpleegpersoneel gesmeek om my te laat sterf. Ek wou verlos word van afwaartse doodspiraal waar die verwoestende mag van alkohol my lewe ingedryf het. Almal en alles sou beter af sonder my wees.

Ek was vir 2 weke in 'n psigiatriese sorgeenheid opgeneem. Skaam, sonder selfbeeld, stukkend en dood van binne het ek oorgegee met "maak met my wat julle wil"- houding! Na twee weke is ek beangs daaruit en na Pierre Louw geneem. Hy het aan my verduidelik dat dit belangrik is om vir 4 maande skoon te wees sodat die brein kan herstel om sy eie "goedvoel" stowwe af te skei. Alkohol het daardie deel van die brein verwoes. As buite-pasient is ek geleer hoe om triggers vir alkohol af te skakel. Familie en vriende het saamgewerk om alle alkohol van my weg te hou en het ingewillig om nie alkohol voor my te gebruik nie. Nou was dit 'n spanpoging, alhoewel ek vrylik kon beweeg. Dit was 4 bitter moeilike maande met fluktuerende emosies van erge irritasies, onnatuurlik hoog vlakke van goedvoel tot in diep swart gate van wanhoop en selfbejammering... Ek het geklou aan Pierre se terapie- en groepsessies met die belofte van: "Hou net uit, dit sal beter raak".

Ek is geleer hoe om my brein te herprogrammeer om my leefstyl te verander en geleidelik het my spiritualiteit wakker geraak en het ek nuwe vreugdes en bomenslike vrede ontvang. Ek is nou 11 maande skoon. Ek het mbv Pierre die Matrix Model 100% probeer volg en net vir 'vandag' wil ek nooit weer drink nie. Ek is vry, my vlerke is aan my teruggegee en net vir vandag wil ek hoog en ver vlieg....

Ja daar is 'n wonderlike en opwindende lewe sonder drank. Nou spel ek geduld: T-Y-D. En ja, dit word steeds beter!

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